Life is a journey

Ladies. I just wanted to say that I love and appreciate each one of you. I have been absent and going through my own journey, some of which I will share with you and some is private. I know you’ll understand.

First, it’s amazing how two seemingly simple life changes can make such an impact on one’s life. For those who are married and have a child/children, you will understand. For those who do not, you will when you enter those new roles. I finally found my soulmate after 29 years of existence. Of course, I had dreams of marriage and children by the time I was in college but HaShem did not provide this for me at the time. So I waited and led a single’s life while blissfully romanticizing the future which certainly held that which I had hoped for so long. Suddenly, I got both within 3 months of each other. I was married in June and pregnant by October. Baruch HaShem! And then came the shattering reality of marriage and pregnancy/motherhood. Please understand me, I am happily married and I adore my child! Yet, I was not at all prepared for the truth that these roles are the hardest I’ve ever had to maneuver and often times seem to be in conflict. Also, just the sheer exhaustion I faced while carrying my little one was something I never expected. So this would be the major reason why I struggled with keeping up with this blog in 2014.

“But that’s 2014!” I hear you say, “And we are in 2016 now. Where have you been?” Ah yes, it is March now, isn’t it? My dear readers, I have not forgotten you. I have been so close to sitting down and getting another post out so many times. I have not fulfilled my duty because of my other duties as wife and mother. My little one is now 19 months; having a toddler is no walk in the park! Through her development, I struggled with recovering (I tore very badly during labor and it probably took me 6 months or more to really feel like normal again. I also hemorrhaged significantly.) and also struggled with my housewife duties. Actually, I still struggle with that but while she was too young to move about, she wanted all our attention. It wasn’t until recently that she could sit and play by herself happily where I could actually wash the dishes or vacuum or wash some laundry. I also went through a bout of postpartum depression. As a side note, I encourage each and every one of you to find a way to have help for at least 6 months after you give birth! I had no help but my husband and this was extremely hurtful to my confidence, only encouraging my growing feelings of loneliness. As an extrovert, I moved 5 states away from all my friends and family and still have not settled or found camaraderie here. Make sure you try to understand that if such a situation happens to you and you find yourself pregnant!

Since my daughter has let go more and more, I have been learning to figure out priorities and balance. I felt I was doing well and was situating myself to put more time into this blog only to discover that I am pregnant again! B”H, I am due in May. No, I didn’t just find out about this little one. While this pregnancy has been much easier, it also has been more difficult in other areas such as motivation and energy. I have not struggled with the sheer exhaustion I had with my first. Unfortunately, this pregnancy has made me not want to cover my hair at all. This has been a conflict for me, a big one. How can I post when all I do is throw a beret on my head to go out the door? I don’t even cover regularly at home anymore! This to kindle the fire of my husband’s disinterest in my wearing tichels. He actually prefers me to wear the berets anyway so what do I do but fall into hat-wearing. I had a dear reader ask me about this very thing: (paraphrasing) what do I do when my husband is disinterested in my tichels or even against it? Such a good question. At the time, I had no idea what to say. But I think topics related to headcoverings is a great idea and I want to get that specific question answered. I have decided that I want you all to ask questions for discussion as this blog doesn’t have to be about what I chose to wear on my head but the dilemmas we all face. I still want to post pictures when I begin to use tichels more regularly – which I do see myself doing in the near future.

Another reason that has chipped away at my motivation is something that I need to come clean about, to be bold and admit it. To be real. As I spent time online, I felt more and more like my blog was getting left in the dust. I started this blog before knowing about another major blog out there, that I am sure you all know, and slowly a jealousy crept in as I watched women flock to it and over time other women popped up on youtube or facebook. My ego was attacked and my confidence fell so when I got pregnant and I struggled with working fulltime and fatigue, it was easy for me to tell myself, “Well, what’s the point anyway? No one is really that interested in what you have to offer.” I had had dreams of a side business where I could offer tichel embellishments but it seemed like no one cared. Everyone was purchasing from all these other ladies, and with my fatigue? The thought of running my own business was overwhelming. I let those things fester for far too long. My desire is to offer unique embellishments, and if you can forgive me, I will use this platform from time-to-time to showcase and I will be using facebook also. I have a lot of work cut out for me to be at a point where I will actually sell anything but I also don’t want to chase any of you away. The point of my blog will not be to try to force you to buy anything! I want you to stay here because the creativity and information on headcovering speaks to you. I also want this to be an open market, so-to-speak. If any of you knows a website or company or lady who sells anything related to headcovering, please feel free to share it! I just had a comment on my sinar tichel sewing post noting a pattern for purchase for a snood. This is excellent! But remember, the point of this blog is camaraderie, creativity and information. If selling becomes excessive, I may have to remove the option. B’ez H (G-d willing), it will remain safely under the information side and we all will be happy for the news.

Ok, my dear ones, I am signing off. Next post will be to discuss the issue of husband dislike/disinterest in tichels. And please, comments are so wonderfully welcome!

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